World’s Greatest Lies!

The check is in the mail.

I'll respect you in the morning.

I'm from your government, and I am here to help  you.

You get this one, I'll pay next  time.

My wife doesn't understand me.

Trust me, I'll take care of  everything.

Of course I love you.

I am getting a divorce.

Drinking? Why, no, Officer.

I never inhaled.

It's not the money, it's the principle of the  thing.

I never watch television except for  PBS.

...But we can still be good  friends.

She means nothing to me.

Don't worry, I can go another 20 miles when the gauge  is on "empty."

I gave at the office.

Don't worry, he's never bitten anyone.

I'll call you later.

We'll release the upgrade by the end of the  year.

Read my lips: no new taxes.

I've never done anything like this before

Now, I'm going to tell you the truth.

It's supposed to make that noise.

. ..Then take a left. You can't miss it.

Yes, I did.

Don't worry, it's OK -- I'm  sterile.

I did not have sex with that woman.