A preacher said to a farmer,
"Do you belong to the Christian family?"

 "No." said he, "they live two farms down."

"No, I mean are you lost?"

"No, I've been here thirty years."

"I mean are you ready for Judgment Day?"

"When is it?"

 "It could be today or tomorrow."

"Well, when you find out for sure when it is, you let me know.

My wife will probably want to go both days!"