Never Give Me Work...

1. Never give me work in the morning.
   Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.
   The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it's really a "rush job," run in and interrupt me every              ten minutes to inquire how it's going.
   That helps.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going.
     It gives me a chance to be creative when someone               asks where you are.

4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies,       don't open the door for me.
     I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and                opening doors is good training.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me               which is the priority. Let me guess.

6. Do your best to keep me late.
     I like the office and really have nowhere to go or                      anything to do.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret.
   Leaks like that could cost me a promotion.

8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone.
     I like my name to be popular in conversation.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write               them down.
   In fact, save them until the job is almost done.

10. Never introduce me to the people you're with.
     When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions             will identify them.

11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you                    could really change your life.

12. Tell me all your little problems.
       No one else has any and it's nice to know someone
       is less fortunate.