You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane
with only one parachute.

How would you react?

Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump anyway.

Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people
have survived crashes just like this before.

Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.

Bureaucrat: you order them to conduct a feasibility study on parachute use
in multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions.

Lawyer: you charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.

Doctor: you tell them you need to run more tests, then take the parachute
in order to make your next appointment.

Sales executive: you sell them the parachute at top retail rates
and get the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too.

Internal Revenue Service: you confiscate the parachute along
with their luggage, wallet, and gold fillings.

Engineer: you make them another parachute out of aisle curtains
and dental floss.

Scientist: you give them the parachute and ask them to send you a report
on how well it worked.

Mathematician: you refuse to accept the parachute without proof
that it will work in all cases.

Philosopher: you ask how they know the parachute actually exists.

English major: you explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute instructions.

Computer Science: you design a machine capable of operating a parachute
as well as a human being could.

Economics: you plot a demand curve by asking them, at regular intervals,
how much they would pay for a parachute.

Psychoanalysis: you ask them what the shape of a parachute reminds them of.

Drama: you tie them down so they can watch you develop the character
of a person stuck on a falling plane without a parachute.

Art: you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.

Environmentalist: you refuse to use the parachute unless it is biodegradable.

Sports Fan: you start betting on how long it will take to crash.

Auto Mechanic: as long as you are looking at the plane engine, it works fine.

Surgeon General: you issue a warning that skydiving
can be hazardous to your health.

Association of Tobacco Growers: you explain very patiently
that despite a number of remarkable coincidences,
studies have shown that jumping out of a plane
 is NOT harmful to your health.