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Only If Kindness Fails

In that trying time preceding the program, the visiting lecturer
was being entertained by a local leader of the fluttery type.

Hard pressed for conversational topics, finally she asked,
"And do you believe in clubs for women."

"Oh yes," the lecturer said.
"Yes, indeed."

Then pausing for a moment, he added,
"But of course, only when kindness fails."

Bishop Fulton J. Sheen: "When you're getting kicked from the rear --
it means you're in front."

A man was drowning and yelled, "Help, I can't swim. I can't swim."

"I can't either, "said the old man sitting on the bank.  "But I'm not hollering about it."

The proud father of triplets called the local newspaper to report the event.

The man at the other end, not quite hearing what he said, asked,
"Will you repeat that?"

The proud father snapped back, "Not if I can help it!"