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Nothing Ever Works!

Gertrude was making her first parachute jump.

The instructor said, "First, you pull the big cord.
If it doesn't work, you pull the little cord.

There will be a red pickup truck waiting for you when you land."

Gertrude made her first jump.

She pulled the big cord, the nothing happened, so she pulled the little cord.
Still nothing happened.

"That's just great," she muttered.
"Now I suppose the red pickup truck won't be there either."

One tenant broke his alarm clock.

He never bothered to get it prepared.

He merely started to play his trumpet whenever he wanted to know the time.

One of his neighbors would always yell,
"Hey, don't you know it's two-fifteen in the morning!"

"My sister is going to have a baby."

"Did you call her up?"

"I don't have to.  She knows about it!"

A lady had been grocery shopping with her friend, Mary,
and they were looking for the shortest checkout line.

They started on opposite ends, and soon Betty found one register
with a solitary man ahead of her.

"Hey, Mary!"  Betty yelled.  "This one looks good."

The male customer puffed out his chest and said,
"That's the best complement I've had all day."