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Late And Law!

Dr. Adrian Rogers after arriving slightly late to a prayer meeting:

"I'm sorry I'm late, I had lost track of the time.

I'll have you know that even though I was in a hurry to get here,
I didn't break any speeding laws...
although I passed a number of people who were!"

A young man took his girlfriend out on a date.

And while driving down a moonlit country lane,
the engine suddenly coughed, and the car came to a stop.

"That's funny," said the young man.
"I wonder what that knocking was?"

"Well, I can tell you one thing for sure -- it isn’t opportunity."

A beggar approached a lady on the street and pleaded,

"Ma'am, I haven't had a meal in three days, and --"

"Now, that --" she interrupted, "is what I call willpower."

A pessimist is a person who carries a card in his or her wallet that reads:

"In case of an accident: I always knew it would happen sooner or later."

An optimist is a person who marries a pessimist.

Experience is another word for "mistakes."