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New Lease On Life!

Carlton: "I just got a new lease on life."

Bernard: "How's that?"

Carlton: "Well, you know my doctor told me I had six months to live."

Bernard: "No, I hadn't heard that."

Carlton: "Yeah.  But I couldn't afford to pay his bill. 
               So today, he told me I have six more months."

Old age is when your computer has more memory than you.

Mary, who is in the catering business was consulting with a woman
about throwing a birthday party for her 60-year-old husband.

"Is it a surprise?"  Mary asked.

"Oh, no," answered the woman.  "He knows he's going to be 60."

Uncle Frank, that 78, was a healthy and wealthy man, and a lifelong bachelor.

He courted a lot, he said, but "never boiled over -- just simmered."

On a whim, he decided to take a trip around the country
o look up nearly a dozen old girlfriends.

Upon his return he exclaimed,
"Whew! Thank goodness I never married any of those women. 
They're all widows now!"